I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize