I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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