I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
