Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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