I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
