i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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