I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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