i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
