3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
