It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I want her autograph on my taint
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
