If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
