Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize