Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
