I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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