i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
