my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
