Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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