8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
