Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
