respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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