My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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