i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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