I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
