My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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