now i know why i became what i already was.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
