these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
