omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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