Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
