First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
