he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
