god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
