if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
