I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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