I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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