she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
