meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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