New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
