I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
