so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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