you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
