Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
