I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
