I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize