Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
