I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
