my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
