What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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