Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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