She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
