dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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