Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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