This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
