...so i touched it.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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