im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
