This is not my ceiling
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
