4 words: hood of his car
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
