what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
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