Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize