There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
