It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
