just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
